I am looking forward to the day in which none of us will refer to ourselves as “heterosexual” ,”homosexual”, “bisexual”, etc.
I want everyone to start calling themselves, “sexual”. Simple, sweet, to the point.
I recently read an article on Rebelle Society, an awesome blog page that posts really incredible writing pieces from people all over the world. Some talk about inspiration, others about becoming more creative. My favorite ones talk about sex and anger and how to make a deadly cocktail with both of these ingredients sometimes. It’s a very sexy page and I recommend everyone to read it. The article I want to talk about is How To Make Love Stay. It was, at best, a really great try from the writer to put into words what he perceives to be what women need. I must say, he had at me #5 because it is true. Fuck us good. Fuck women in bed really, really good. I use the word “fuck” because sometimes, the act of sex is beyond the emotion of love and the act of loving. “Fuck” doesn’t have to be a negative words and in this particular case, it most certainly is positive. You can be madly in love with someone and still want to fuck their brains out. It’s natural, it’s instinct, it’s poetry. No other way around it. To some of us, what happens between two bodies, expresses what words can’t. I personally, communicate far more with my body than with actual words. Sex expresses unyielding emotions; it evokes the terrifying vulnerability that it causes when you tremble in the arms of someone else’s touch. Not everyone gets to see that. Although I have had sex with people that don’t mean anything to me romantically speaking, those that I have been in love with, get the full devotion and candidness sex is meant to help you communicate.
I try to abstain from singling out a specific sex and gender when I write about these things. Who I bring to bed, is no one’s business, but I am sure 99.9% of the people reading this can relate (at this point) to bringing someone to bed with them and how it feels.
The writer of this article, is passionate. He writes lovely phrases and conveys ideas that I would like for most people to be aware of in relationships. I just feel like I should throw in a few of my own to help clarify some things about some girls that roam in this world and that you might run into, and who knows? You might actually fall in love with her.
So here it goes.
#1 Give her space.
I feel words such as “loner”, “space”, “independent”, “time out” have negative connotations when put next to a woman. Some of us really do need breathing room. It doesn’t matter if you are watching a game in one room and she is in the next room reading a book. GIVE HER SPACE. Let her breathe freely, and allow her lungs and creativity to expand as much as possible. Forget the bullshit saying of “if you lover her let her go and if it’s meant to be she’ll come back” BLAH BLAH BLAH. You don’t have to let her go because she doesn’t belong to you and you don’t belong to her. You guys chose each other and you should believe that this choice act, is worth far more than all these cheesy lines. Don’t force her to hang out with people she really doesn’t feel comfortable with. She might be like some of my friends (and even myself) and just need more time to open up and feel comfortable.
#2 Women aren’t that complicated.
We’re really not. Some bizarre women out there are high maintenance and if you’re into that, cool. If not, fret not. The media is lying to you. We aren’t all insecure little girls seeking the approval of Big Bad Patriarchy. Some of us are who we are and that’s that. No raisins. No mushrooms. No seafood. No dirty dishes before going to bed. Cup of black coffee first thing in the morning. There. Simple.
#3 Don’t confuse niceness with stupidity.
Goes both ways. Never, ever take for granted someone being nice to you. Nice people are a rare unicorn these days. I hear they sometimes gather together and drink beer while talking about music and past loves. Nice girls exist. Nice, smart girls exist. Nice, smart, and fucking badass bitches exist too. Don’t fuck with them, seriously.
#4 Be an ally.
By ally I mean, be a person that supports women. What I mean is that a lot of us, want a partner that will support us with female health decisions, such as whether or not to be on a certain type of birth control. Are you comfortable having these discussions? Do you make women feel safe around you? If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, will you step up to the plate and support a child you conceive a/o will you support her decision to terminate the pregnancy? Do you tell rape jokes in front of your girl friends and think it’s okay because they laugh? Are you a bro douche or are you a person willing to make (uncomfortable) decisions with your partner? Same for homosexual relationships in whichever way these apply.
#5 What the original writer said on his original article. “FUCK HER GOOD”…
Sex is important. Sorry, haters.
#6 Be vulnerable, laugh, let her in.
People, trust me. We want to see your softer side. Those Buzzfeed pictures we see of big, burly dudes holding puppies and kittens? YES. THEY WORK. Telling us about your fears and the last time you laughed so hard you farted (has that ever happened to you? it happens to me quite a bit) makes us feel like we’re part of your life. This isn’t only about a relationship, this is key for a friendship.
So there. I’ve said it all. For now, at least.
Love is wonderful and scary at the same time. Enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it. That’s all I can tell you.